Teething – Stocks Limited, Get Your’s Today

Oh man, teething… how cool is that? I mean, everybody tells you about it, but they forget to tell you just how absolute fun, it can be!

Let’s play Baby Chefs. Where I’m an aspiring chef preparing you a lovely meal and you can be Gordon Ramsay, telling me it’s all sh*t, you’re having none of it and send it ALL back to the kitchen.

Like guessing games? Okay…which cheek is redder?

Or, the perennial favourite…throw up in a public place? The fun never stops!

And productive, my god…totally!

It’s great for your health. Forget aerobics, patooey to pilates, scrap the stairmaster and throw away your old exercise machine forever. Who needs a gym membership when you’ve got, teething!

It’s great for your heart rate and what an amazing aerobic workout, just by getting up maybe, 60-70 times a night! It’s great for your self confidence because you pass the point where you give a damn what anybody else thinks of you, and stress…wow, you look thinner already! Just from lack of sleep and not eating properly! And don’t worry about those love handles, the bags under your eyes and furrows in your brow totally distracts anyone’s eye from looking at those unsightly bulges.

And teething is fantastic at giving you time back with your family. No more unruly dinner parties or bothersome get togethers with friends you really, really like. Nothing helps clear your schedule faster and easier than teething. But don’t take my word for it, listen to our satisfied customers…

Mumma: “I really love snuggling up in bed with my husband, but thanks to ‘teething’, I can now enjoy the whole bed to myself while hubby sleeps on the couch with the baby monitor, so I can get at least 3 minutes of sleep. Thank you, ‘teething'”

Daddy: “Having such wonderful friends and family that we love spending time with, living all over the place and with petrol prices the way they are, it can cost us a small fortune meeting up with them all. But thanks to ‘teething’ our social calendar has never had so many cancellations. I don’t have to drive anywhere! Thank you, ‘teething'”

So, act now. Get yours today!

“But, my son only has one tooth.”

Then wait, there’s more…(to come)

Our operators are standing up inside their cots, to take your orders.

Call this number…“000”. International orders, phone “911”

“Teething” – fun for the whole family.

Call NOW!!

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Bub Tooth Time Machine

As a kid growing up, I was obsessed with two things. Collecting bread tags…and time travel. (Uh…forget I mentioned the first thing)…

Wide-eyed and tousled hair (yes, I did have hair once and I assure you, it was quite tousled), I disappeared into TV shows like Time Tunnel, Doctor Who, Quantum Leap, Sliders, Buck Rogers in the 25th Century, Star Trek, Planet of the Apes, Ready Steady Cook (again, forget that last one). I built my own play TARDIS in the backyard and fantasised about travelling through time and space.

Then came the movies; The Time Machine, The Philidelphia Experiment, Timecop, Time Bandits, Terminator and Terminator 2, DejaVu, Austin Powers, The Time Traveller’s Wife, Hot Tub Time Machine and of course Back to the Future, just to name a few. All fuel for the Mr.Fusion that is, the Delorean of my mind, flitting backwards and forwards in time and space trying to figure out the hows and the whys.

And I have my own theories on what’s possible and what isn’t, but don’t get me started on that, I already alluded to the existence of temporal displacement in an earlier blog(Mumma’s already dropped off at the very first mention of the words, time travel).

And there’s been a myriad of vehicles, devices and methods that people have used to get there. Elegant Santa sleigh-esque Time Machines, Deloreans, trains, boats, spinning psychedelic discs, plasma balls, phone boxes, hot tubs. You name it, they’ve tried it. But…

Who’d have thought the power to travel backwards in time, is located within…

One solitary, little…baby tooth.

For, just as things were progressing quite nicely in the “sleeping through the night” department, the emergence of that little tooth has transported us all back to 1928. Back when Indy was waking up every few hours and Mumma and I would look at each other, me in my high pants zoot suit and handlebar moustache, she in her flapper fashion bodice and feathered headdress, thinking…

“Haven’t we already done this?”

But alas, it seems we’re destined to relive the past, at least until we can find a way to get back to the future. But I’m guessing, we’ll need a lot more teeth to make that journey happen.

Until then, we’ll rely on our faithful friends, Panadol and amber neck beads, to get us through the night. Mumma can take the Panadol and I’ll try the beads, they seem to help Indy sleep, maybe they’ll work for me?

“Great Scott, Doc. This is really heavy”.

Relax folks, it's all relative

Relax folks, it’s all relative…