Spreading My Seed

Well, today was probably the manliest Dad-thing I’ve managed to accomplish since the creation of my son. And coincidentally, both things involved the spreading of seed.

For months now, the lawn in our backyard has been dying a slow and agonising death, much like the Hollywood career of Lindsay Lohan. But unlike “Lilo”, there’s a pretty good chance of recovery if I’ve done my homework, properly.

After spending the day gittin’ down’n dirty with ma hoes (yo), I got all up in my backyard’s face, woz all over dat sh*t and got to the biznez of whipin’ that lawnz ass, foshizzel.

In other words, I dug up the yard, fertilised the ground, chucked a bit of topsoil around the place and sprinkled in the new lawn seed. Nothing makes a dad feel more like a real man, than using the word “topsoil” in any given context. And I wear the blister on my thumb, like a stinging badge of honor.

So, now I’m keeping my blistered fingers crossed that I’ve done enough to get the lawn bowl rolling. Now it’s up to the universe. With regular watering, hopefully, in a few weeks time, Indy will have a luxurious lawn to run his crawling fingers through, as opposed to the sparse ghastly comb over of a yard we had previously.

Can you dig it?

I know that you can.

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Creepy Crawler

Well…first it was Jesus, then it was DYNAMO (the English magician, not the washing powder).

Now…it’s my son’s turn, to…

“Walk on Water!”

Okay, if you wanna get technical (and I know that you do), he can’t actually “walk”, yet.

BUT…

He can “commando crawl”.

And better yet, he CAN do it…“ON” water.

Making him, the first person in recorded history, to EVER…

“Commando Crawl…on Water!”

(There’s never a biblical scribe when you need one).

And…if you feel the need to get technical once again (and I know that you do), then…

“La-la-la-la-la-la-laaaa…I can’t hear you…la-la-la-la-la-la-laaaa!”

Enjoy this“momentous” video ūüėČ

2012 WordPress Review

Wowzers!

Thank heavens for cheeky monkeys. The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 6,500 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 11 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

Loves me some WordPress goodness. Check it out, it’s very cool.

See you next year!!!

The Lone Ranger

“A fiery horse with the speed of light, a cloud of dust and a hearty “Hi Ho Silver, Away!”

It’s amazing how much easier it is to sleep without all the usual gurgling, farting, snorting, cooing, squeaking, squawking that normally goes on of an evening. And now that Indy’s in his own room at the other end of the house…he shouldn’t be able to hear any of it!

That’s right, Indy has saddled up his trusty steed and headed out west to the open pastures of his Big Boy Cot on the sweeping plains (or at least, some light vacuuming), of his very own room. And although he’s still sleeping for about the same length of time (every 3-4 hours),¬†it has improved the quality of sleep, somewhat.

Not his…ours.

And in the few minutes of actual sleep that we do get, it seems to be a much deeper sleep. Which is why my wife sounds like Barry White(and I sleep with one eye open).

But just because he’s now up the other end of the house, does not mean he’s out of sight nor out of mind (though at times, it feels like both of us are out of the latter). We still manage to keep a close eye and ear on him, as well as monitor every farty-party¬†aspect of his behaviour, through the ever watchful eyes and ears of the Baby Monitor.

Indy’s time in the Big Brother HOUSE has begun.

And the monitor we bought way back when at the Baby And Toddler Expo¬†(see post here), has some cool features like infra-red video, audio, temperature readout, lullaby music control and night light, all controlled from our handset. It does have¬†another function that was probably good in theory, but not so much in practice. It’s a Push-to-Talk feature. In other words, you can push a button and talk to Indy to calm him down when he’s upset, from the warmth and comfort of our own bedroom, kind of like an intercom. HOWEVER…you can’t hear s#*t, when his air-raid siren is blaring. So, in essence, it’s just like the phone coverage we get from 3 and Vodaphone. We stand there yelling into the damn thing until we just give up and text each other or walk over and talk to each other in person.

And the other thing I discovered about having Indy in his own room, is sneaking out of the room when he’s asleep is a lot like stepping off a land-mine or diffusing a bomb. You move slowly and stealthily. You’re under the exact same pressure to leave that room quietly, as you are asking yourself, “do I cut the red wire or the green wire?”

Because all it takes, is one wrong step and…

KABLOOEY!!!

It’s back to square one for you.

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To DO or NOT To Do…

That is the question…

I’m addressing the real¬†nitty-gritty this week. The ONE question that is on every new dad’s mind during pregnancy…

And according to our Balinese¬†gynaecologist, it’s…

¬†“Tidak apa-apa”No problem ūüôā

BUT…

He did say that there is a chemical in semen, which can actually soften the uterus wall. And seeing as you don’t want to take any risks or complications that may cause anything to go wrong…

You have to go…“outside”

Wow, seriously? Whatever will the neighbours think? I’m a nature lover at heart, but I don’t want ticks or bugs crawling into any holes they shouldn’t be crawling into.

My lovely lady whispers in my ear…

Oh, right. My mistake.

So, things could get a little messy?¬†In that case, it’s probably best to use protection.

So, I’m off to Bunnings to buy a face shield and an apron.