No Room at the Inn

D-Day+9(and counting).

All geared up and nowhere to go. Clearly, the hospital maternity ward and our little schnitzel know nothing about the musings of one John ‘Hannibal’ Smith (aka the leader of TV’s smash 80’s action series, The A-Team), and his infamous mantra…

“I love it when a plan comes together.”

Because so far, nothing is going to plan. Despite already being 9 days overdue, we thought we finally had the ball rolling when we were booked in for an induction today at 2pm. Early this morning, we got a call that we had to be bumped back to 6pm. Okay…no biggie. Then, a couple hours before heading in, we get another call informing us of a sudden emergency birthing priority (that’s code for: We don’t want to miss the next epiosde of “Offspring”), and to which, also means…

“There’s no room at the Inn.”

It’s a familiar story that goes waaaay back, (I think it was an episode of The Brady Bunch). A “young” (ahem) pregnant couple turned away at their moment of need. My wife says it’s because of the emergency, but I suspect it’s because they didn’t believe she was a virgin. That, and the Three Wise Guys (re: Stooges) DVD under my arm, did us no favors (what am I supposed to watch while all this is going on?). And the donkey we rode up on, did nothing to sweeten the deal or motion our case further. Not quite sure who the bigger “ass” was in the end…(no need to comment, my love).

But they did another CTG just to monitor how things we’re going, before assuring us that we will definitely be inducing our little fella at 2pm tomorrow. So, that still gives him 10 hrs to still slip out into the world on Independence Day (fingers crossed for real, this time).

But, the truth be known, they were really, really, REALLY busy. Heaps of babies coming into the world in all manner of ways. We even ran into a brand new dad with his baby wrapped in a tea towel, just arriving with his wife in the back of an ambulance out front!

So, we did what any other couple would do who’ve waited this long already…

We went out for Chinese! And why not? It’s our last chance to eat in a restaurant that doesn’t have you ordering through a Clown’s Mouth, for a while.

So, one more sleepless night for both of us and hopefully (please, please, please, please, please, please, please), LET US IN tomorrow. I assure you, the last thing I want to do, is to bust open the barn doors on my own!

“I pity the fool.” — B.A. Baracus

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LIVE and Kicking!

The Midwives told us we could expect to feel kicking around Week 20.

Today is Week 20 and at 7.51am on this lazy Sunday morning, my beautiful bride takes my hand, places it firmly on her belly and…

Touchdown!

Whoa! Right on schedule…

Nothing quite prepares you for the first time you feel your schnitzel/elle kick!

I just hope our schnitzel/elle doesn’t pop out into the world and be like…

“Oh sorry, I thought I had two mothers? What, with the high pitched squeals and all.”

Yes. I squealed like a girl. In one tiny instant, a fully grown man had suddenly become…

Richard Simmons.

That’s how hard it was to contain my excitement.

This makes it all so much more real, people!

I already mentioned there are two things people generally do when they’re excited.

Jumping for joy and peeing their pants.

I’m finished the jumping part…

Schnitzel or Schnitzelle?

Week 19 and we are one week away from knowing whether or not we have a schnitzel or a schnitzelle cooking in the oven.

It’s really exciting and nerve-racking all at the same time. I don’t know whether to jump for joy or pee my pants. Probably best not to do both, I’m sure there’ll be plenty of that behaviour once the oven timer “dings”.

We visited the Maternity Clinic this week. I’ve never seen so many pregnant women in one place! My lovely angel whispered in my ear…

“You okay? I know how excited you get around pregnant women!”

Damn, and I’d left my apron at home as well.

I was totally surrounded. I felt like the odd man out at The Biggest Loser auditions. Still, it’s kind of comforting to know this “pregnancy” thing, seems to happen all the time, so it feels like we’re in good hands.

The Midwives seem extremely lovely and supportive, our Doctor on the other hand (still lovely and supportive), but very “old school”, in that, she pulled the curtain across in front of me in the examination room so I couldn’t “see the show”. I felt like a dirty perve listening outside the shower curtain, made worse by the fact I was breathing heavily and rubbing my hands together. (Well, I did have to run out to move the car before my parking expired).

We heard our schnitzel/elle’s heart beating through the ultrasound, and if I could have seen my love’s smiling face on the other side of the curtain, I expect it was just as big as mine 🙂

It’s hard not to get excited. I am so looking forward to finding out just who it is that’s in there, causing all this fuss. And yes, if you’re wondering what that sound is, it’s the cluck, cluck, cluck of a very nervous and excited dad…trying desperately not to pee his pants!