Being a Father

Week 36: Four Weeks and Counting…

With only about four weeks to go until we finally get to look into the eyes of our little schnitzel, I’m starting to look at just what being a dad means, for me.

First of all, it means…I’m scared, excited, nervous and thrilled all at the same time. Similar to the time I lost my virginity or…the time I saw The Goodies live on stage at The Melbourne Arts Centre.

But unlike the time I lost my virginity, I expect the experience of fatherhood to last a whole lot longer than a matter of minutes and not leave me with a deep sense of shame and disappointment. And much like The Goodies, no doubt, my appreciation will get better with age.

But the whole prospect of being a father means several other things too.

Being a father means…

Coasting through life with ‘ease’. Nappies, Quick-eze and responsibilities.

It also means the pressure of extinction…no longer hangs on you.

Plus, being a father means that for once in my marriage…I finally get to be the boss of someone!

But, I’m really glad I waited this long to become a father. When I think back to who I was when I was younger, I can’t believe how immature I was at 39.  Thank god I have the wisdom of my forties to better equip myself for this new undertaking. I think I’m ready to be a dad now. Like a blind man at a cross walk, I feel the signs.

You know you’re ready to be a father when…

Instead of being turned-on by girls in school uniforms, you worry about how much those uniforms are going to cost.

And you know you’re ready to be a dad when you start wrapping your burritos like diapers.

Another sign that you’re ready for fatherhood is when women breastfeed in front of you…and you no longer get an erection.

Or, you inadvertently start driving five miles below the speed limit.

Other signs that you’re ready for dad-dom, is when you suddenly find yourself humming the tune to The Wheels On The Bus, when you catch public transport.

Or, your context for Googling the word Wiggles, is for children’s entertainment…not porn.

And the biggest clue to knowing you’re ready to be a father is when nobody except your wife, seems even remotely interested in you.

Bring it on…I’m ready (I think)!!


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2 thoughts on “Being a Father

  1. Well done! I particularly like the bit about what those school uniforms are going to cost!
    You’re gonna be fine, Dad.

  2. lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol finally get to be the boss of someone is my favourite lol lol lol
    Fear is just an expansion of you, showing up for your
    exciting life…step into it & never again say I don’t know
    as it shuts off your awareness…you be fine!! We love you guys xxxxxxxxxoooooooooo

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